can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
