Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
