I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
