girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
