As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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