Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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