I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
