i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize