i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
