The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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