drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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