capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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