did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
