i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
