i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
