that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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