so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize