it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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