I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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