dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
