I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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