She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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