This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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