Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
