around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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