There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
