i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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