i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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