I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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