with your own penis?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
