I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
