FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
