Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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