i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
