Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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