dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
