Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
