Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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