So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
