that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
