thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
