I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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