Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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