We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
