remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
