i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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