I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
