you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize