At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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