It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
