booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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