You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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