Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
