Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
