I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
