My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
