A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
