I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Who died my cat blue again?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
