Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
