so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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