coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
