Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
