Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
