just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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