If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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