yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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