I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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