There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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