Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
