I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
