You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
is that a dick in a sweater?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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