We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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