idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize