Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
