I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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