CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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