Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
